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2:31 p.m. - 2004-09-01
Big Sister is Watching
…Big Sister is Watching…

Beware of your e-mail address book, as it could bite you in the ass. I thought I was a fucking tard for hitting "Reply to All" to tell someone who sent me a joke that it was funny. That pales in comparison to these cautionary tales.

The Present

BG, an acquaintance, sent a present to her brother. It was an amusing present…which referred to a skit her brother saw on TV about a whole family sharing one bar of soap and how nasty it was (that you're washing your face using the same soap your mom used on her butt.) A picture of the present is below:

She also enclosed two bars of soap with "For Face" and "For Butt" written on them.

She e-mails her brother to ask if he got it, and gets the following e-mail:

"[BG] just e-mailed me and asked me if I got my present and how I like it. What the hell am I supposed to tell her? If I tell her it was great I'll just keep getting stupid shit like this forever. If I say what I want to and just ask "What the hell were you thinking?" I'll hurt her feelings. Maybe I'll just act like I never got the e-mail."

Well, moron, if you're going to bitch about the present you received to a third party…make sure you type the RIGHT e-mail address into the "SEND" field. Of course, we've all received gifts we don't like, but the appropriate response is to say thank you and then re-gift it at the earliest opportunity.

This e-mail was sent yesterday morning. As of today, the "ball-less wonder" (as he was christened), had still not replied to her e-mail about this. Chickenshit. Apparently, he's been on some holier-than-thou pretentious kick lately. He probably doesn't think he even HAS a butt anymore, because that would be so déclassé.

The Stupid Receptionist

At FHH (my old office), the receptionist was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She was e-mailing back and forth with my secretary (who was upstairs). My secretary got a package, which was actually his new cell phone. She means to e-mail him. Instead, she e-mails the whole firm something like "Hehehe so what kind of toy WAS it?"

The Old Flame

When I shared the story about the present with my Office Mate (OM), she had an even more troubling tale to tell. She got back in touch with a friend from high school. This wasn't really her boyfriend, more of her high-school discovering-sex buddy. Well, apparently he was a slacker in high school…but found himself later. That is…made a shitload of money, retirement homes across the country, etc. So anyway, OM is composing an e-mail to this guy. Her daughter is helping her with the computer stuff, and tells her that if she wants to work on this for a while, she should send it to herself as a Word document. Said daughter converts it, and is trying to send it to their home computer (OM was at work.) Well, she scrolls through the address book…and instead of the home e-mail (which is under OM's husband's name), she sends it to the HUSBAND AT WORK.

It's not like OM was necessarily plotting and planning a way to cheat on her husband…but she was bitching about him. In detail. Making fun of his job, complaining about his lack of money, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, OM's husband was pissed off. OM didn't even feel like she could e-mail the Old Flame again and explain why she could no longer contact him.

The Ex-Husband

BFRB's friend forwarded her an e-mail from the friend's ex-husband, wherein the ex was saying all sorts of hateful, mean shit to the friend. When she hit "reply", the e-mail saying something to the effect of "What a fucking jerk….he needs to grow up and get over himself" was sent to the ex-husband. I think that's the ex's problem, though….not like the friend wouldn't have sent him something similar (but hers wouldn't have been that nice.)

No Profanity Allowed

Finally, the most troubling of all are companies that censor the content of employees' e-mail…BFRB and I have a third musketeer (we'll call her TM). For the last year or so, she's been living in Alabama. (And ya'll thought Oklahoma was bad.) The three of us have frequent e-mail conversations at work….about men, office drama, movies, books, jokes, whatever. Said conversations are sometimes very important and require the ability to reply in a timely fashion. Well, TM's work e-mail server wouldn't allow profanity to sneak in undiluted…that is, "fuck" had to be "f*ck", ad infinitum. You may think this means we should just censor ourselves. Well, we kinda tried…but how the hell are you supposed to bitch about something (especially a man) if you can't use swear words?? I mean, her e-mail server censored things like "dickhead," too! This meant that often, if the conversation was really intense, she had hours and hours of delay time while the censor typed enough asterisks to populate the Milky Way.

I just don't see the point….we all know that "F*CK" does not say "FECK," and that "D*CKHEAD" does not say "DUCKHEAD." Seriously.

Yeah, modern technology is great. Computers enable all sorts of looking busy which was not possible in the past. However, the "auto fill-in" feature, the "reply" and "reply to all" buttons being too close together, and the alphabetical sorting of your address book can get you into real trouble….almost as much trouble as not locking the buttons on your cell phone and having it auto-answer. True story. A male friend of BFRB2 had just broken up with his girlfriend. He bought the girlfriend a teacup Chihuahua when she lost her old one….because she let it out when she was drunk, passed out, and the dog vanished. Anyway, the bitch left the dog when she was kicked out…and he called her to see if he could find the dog a new home or if she wanted it. Well, her phone answered….but she didn't know. She was in Vegas with her new man, talking about what a loser her ex was. BFRB2's mom now has a new cute little pet.

Point being….you should really be careful what you type. You never know where it might end up.



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