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3:55 p.m. - 2004-09-28
All the Small Things...
All the Small Things...

My illness has finally begun to abate. After one last bout of weird, overdosing on cold medicine, heart racing, hands shaking, freak-o-rificness this morning, I feel much more human. However, certain things that have happened over the last few days have made me wonder…why do things seem to be so much more bothersome when you're sick, tired, and/or stressed out?

For example, computer problems. Everyone who owns a PC knows that the shit will crash periodically, especially when you're about to win the auction of a coveted item on eBay, achieve orgasm, or hit send on the hate e-mail you've been composing. But when you're not feeling your best, the "server busy" message on Pogo games will provoke a whiny, snot-slurping rant about how no one loves you because you can't even play a stupid GAME.

Then we have pet problems. The cat puking on your bathroom throw rug is a weekly occurrence, at least when you have a fluffy kitten like my little Emily:

While you're sick, though, and are just going in the bathroom to grab another wad of toilet paper because you're out of Kleenex, the cat puke takes on astronomical significance…"Even my cats HATE me, I'm so pathetic."

Of course then we have the frustration of dealing with humanity. Wal-Mart on a weekend is never a fun place to be. However, when you've gone there to replenish your supply of Robitussin and Sugar-Free Alpine Hot Spiced Cider Mix, and you feel like a big pile of quivering Jell-O because you have not had a dose of either of them in a whole hour, and you discover that these two items are on opposite ends of the Super Mega Wal-Mart, and then they don't have enough checkers, so you have to wait in line for 30 minutes in the express lane behind the non-English speaking, overdressed woman who can't figure out how to swipe her fucking credit card….need I say more? While this kind of crap is not exactly uncommon when dealing with a heartless corporate giant, it's especially frustrating when your head feels like it has been crammed in a vise and your nostrils feel like they are stuffed with socks and sealed with duct tape and your eyes hurt from the glare of the lights because all they have seen in three days is the dim light in your cave-like apartment.

The list never ends. I remember once, I was trying to wash a bowl or something when I was sick. Don't ask me why I needed to wash this PARTICULAR item, other than my sick little head decided I needed THAT bowl to make soup. So, of course, I break it. And it slices my thumb open. And I cry for an hour. Yeah, the cut hurt, but any other time it would have been a "slap a band-aid on the shit and keep on trucking" kind of incident. Or you finally venture out of the house to get some food, and your KFC Popcorn Chicken is like Popcorn Rocks when you get it home…and your sick ass goes back to KFC and you're pissed off and upset enough to (a) convince the manager to make a fresh batch of Popcorn Chicken (which takes like 30 minutes, apparently) at 9:00 at night and (b) give you a free Little Bucket Parfait, too.

I have this theory that life tends to kick you while you're down. Therefore, it's never just one bad thing that happens. One bad thing sets off a chain reaction of many bad things, and before you know it, you are completely fucked. However, I can't figure out if being sick really fits into this hypothesis. Yeah, a few minor things go wrong when you're sick, and they really make your life miserable. But if they're not really that bad, do they count as bad things in the event cascade, or should you still be waiting for more jacked-up stuff to happen once you have recovered? Is there another shoe, or did it already kick you?



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