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10:57 a.m. - 2004-10-14
Fire Drills, Random Googling, and Body Piercing
Fire Drills, Random Googling, and Body Piercing

I thought that, after I moved out of my college dorm, I would not have to be subjected to any further fire drills. Oh, how wrong I was. We just had one. In our office building. First, the redneck security guard gets on the loudspeaker and informs us seventeen times that it's only going to be a drill. THEN, the annoying little siren noise and the chick voice saying "Do not take the eleva-TORS" starts. And it keeps going, and going, and going….our floor, with the exception of a few knee-jerk rule-followers, debated at length whether we were going downstairs. Finally, I decided that walking down five flights would not be that suck-a-licious, and that if we were having a fire drill, the least I could do was create some smoke. As my office-mate and I progress into the hallway, the annoying bitch gets louder. By the time we enter the stairwell, it's so loud I'm thinking the building needs to be issuing ear protection.

So we get downstairs, and it's freezing outside. Of course, being me, I wore warm clothes this week….every day BUT today. I really think the sadistic property managers waited to have this stupid fire drill until we had a cold day. It's been beautiful out all week. At least it wasn't raining. But they can toss my salad.

And in a completely unrelated topic, like most newer D-landers, I check my stats obsessively. Here is a short list of the things people Googled to find me:

(1) "Stab Soft Palate"
(2) "Mexican Mullet"
(3) "Boss's Day Stupid"
(4) "Boss's Day Speech"
(5) "Boss's Day E-card"
(6) Many other variations on "Boss's Day".

I think "Mexican mullet" is my favorite. Of course, knowing that random Google searches will find me, that makes me want to come up with some seriously goofy shit. I consider it a creativity-building exercise, rather than just an excuse to say things like "guzzle platypus semen" and "rectal spelunking".

My, but I am sinking to new depths hourly. Maybe I really should work, or something. Of course, since I review medical records, sometimes I read really disgusting shit. Like about a 340 pound woman with bilateral nipple rings and a tongue piercing.

I'll just leave you all with that lovely mental image…..



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