1:32 p.m. - 2004-11-05
Wow. I had no idea that yesterday's rambling would garner that kind of response. Thanks, ya'll. But of course now, my neurotic self is going to feel like I have to come up with some seriously wonderful and life-altering shit every time I post. Sorry, not happening today. The only thing I want to alter at the moment is the clock, so it will be five and I can leave.
On to today's news: the people at my office have way too much free time at home, too. Today, we are having some "craft fair." Can you say, more guilt-tripping of the employees so you buy stuff? Let's review. Loopy=poor. Loopy=doesn't need any more shit collecting dust. Loopy=thinks most crafty stuff is tacky. However, there were some free fudge samples, and browsing through all the tacky objets d'art, jewelry, and makeup did manage to squander 20 minutes, so it wasn't a total waste.
Speaking of free fudge. No, I didn't eat much. But I was reading this post by singlegirl earlier today. She has just started on the dieting/exercising journey. She's all into the gym and into the healthy eating and focusing on her new self. And I'm thinking, six or eight months ago, that was me. One comment in particular had to do with "the longer you do this, the easier it must get, because you won't want to ruin what you've done." Something like that. Her wording was more poetic, but I'm too lazy to look it up right this minute.
I thought that too, back in May. But now it's November. Yeah, I'm still slowly losing, but I sort of rediscovered food. I AM sticking with the workouts, but healthy eating has been elusive lately. I think it's just that whole "the universe should just reward me for my persistence, dammit" thing. I really hoped the Total Body Challenge would help, and it sort of is, but not really. Not enough.
Guess we're right back to the whole change being difficult thing. I know this has to be slow, or otherwise I will be doing this bullshit again 5 years from now. I know that I can't dislodge all of the demons in my head at once. I know that feeling confident and healthy is more important than the sweet, tasty goodness of homemade chocolate fudge. I just wish my body would quit fighting me….it keeps telling me that, even though it's starting to be okay with FuckStick's training regimen, and even though it likes exercising a little bit, it also still prefers chocolate, fried shit, and cheese to salads, broiled food, and fat free dressing.
So I just got back from having lunch with my friend CL, a fellow mourner (over the election). We had salads. And we didn't eat the breadsticks. We were discussing the whole "underachiever" thing. (She's an attorney, and clerks for a federal judge. She's another refugee from FHH.) We decided that, while sometimes we have this urge for notice and recognition, we currently would much rather collect a mostly-adequate paycheck for mostly-boring jobs than kill ourselves trying to be attention hounds. I am not necessarily perfectly happy, but I am certainly happier now than I was working at the Stress Factory. CL and I had a good giggle about the fact that yet ANOTHER paralegal from FHH is now working here….and she's the one who replaced my current office mate less than 7 months ago. Those fools will never learn.
Shit. It's not five yet. But at least it's closer than it was when I started this entry….so I believe that's my cue to quit typing.