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3:51 p.m. - 2005-01-04
Pettiness and Poetic Justice

Okay, so pixie-grl wrote this last week, so I'm a little behind schedule. But I really liked this entry, and I do have some thoughts…

I will, for the benefit of Those Who Do Not Click Links, briefly sum up. She discusses the fact that women tend to be hateful and mean to other women, including pettiness, gossip, jealousy, cheating, lying, and manipulation. Reactions to said behavior include more of the same, depression, anger, feelings of insecurity, paranoia, and inadequacy.

I agree that we're a little societally conditioned to take things personally and to use the emotional battery of others as a way to promote ourselves. But the reason women are more effective at this shit than men are is because we're much better at reading non-verbal signals and knowing what emotional buttons to push. Think about it. Say you're involved with an asshole sort of guy. He may pick a few things to make you feel bad…i.e, bad habits, appearance, former relationships. But basically, he doesn't know how to do more than say the same shit over and over. A woman, on the other hand, knows why you are insecure about these things, and can use the guise of sympathy to elicit enough information to stab you right in the back.

Part of it comes down to competition. When men compete, it's usually over OBJECTIVE things: bigger house, bigger car, bigger salary, bigger dick…and when women compete, it's more SUBJECTIVE: have a better relationship, have a more attractive man, have better kids, have better friends. Too, men are given societal permission to be aggressive and forward in working toward goals. Women, even today, are given the subtle signal that promoting yourself is "bitchy", so we resort to behind-the-scenes psychological battle.

I would say that I am very lucky in my group of female friends. We all have the ability to act underhanded, sneaky, and evil, but we only use it in a dire emergency, and certainly never use it with each other. It's more of a "band together against the enemy" philosophy than "you are all my enemies."

At work, though….well, that's a different story. There are a lot of genuinely nice people here. But there are a few who have not evolved emotionally since junior high. They snitch, they lie, they are two-faced…and they make it difficult to have any teamwork. The thing is, in this job, we're all pretty much equal. No one is in charge of anyone else, really. CB is our trainer, but she makes it clear that she's not our supervisor…but some people got all pissy when she was asked to take over those duties. How stupid. First of all, CB is a completely cool person, and she will do everything she can to make sure your work is good so that you avoid a later ass chewing by the boss. Beyond that, she worked on a project like this several years ago.

I don't immediately distrust women. I think part of that is the same reason why I don't inherently distrust men. I've never really felt like men condescend to me (other than one particular asshole I worked for at FHH) because I'm a woman. I also never see myself as the object of their sexual desire, so it doesn't occur to me to (a) act like I am and try to get what I want by flirting or (b) compete with other women employing strategy (a). It's this whole being fat thing, I guess. People have prejudices against it, but the immediate effect of those prejudices is that they perceive you as a non-threatening person because you are clearly inferior to them. Retarded as hell, but it's certainly there.

I'm a teamwork kind of person. I don't think I'm "too good" to do any job that needs doing. I'm not a diva, an ass-kisser, or the type who does none of the work and attempts to assume credit. As a result, I tend to be nice to everyone, and they're usually nice back. Do unto others, and all that shit. Now, sometimes, people don't reciprocate, or their true colors are shown in other ways. I don't waste time feeling insecure about this any more. I used to. I used to be so concerned with what people thought about what I was doing that I would bite my tongue, would agree with them when I didn't, would do favors, would be taken for granted, would do anything to prevent someone not liking me.

At this point….I don't give a fuck. If you like me, great….and if not, I'm sure I'll live.

(Years of therapy went into the writing of this sentence.)

I think that, despite some examples to the contrary, people who are mean and manipulative and just plain hateful will get what's coming to them. It's even MORE amusing when you find out that someone who has wronged you has gotten theirs.

True story. Asshole fucknut mama's boy lying cheating loser son of a bitch I dated my freshman year in college was not only fucking around on his "girl back home" with me, he was fucking around on me with my so-called best friend. Well, for a variety of reasons, he had to confess to his girlfriend about fucking my "friend." But he never did confess about me. He ended up finishing school at another university, but we did know a lot of the same people still, and the relationship he had with me was not a secret among this group of friends. Well, he gets engaged to his girlfriend. Then someone mentions the relationship I had with this boy in front of her.


Four years of therapy: $3000
Long distance calls to mutual friends: $300
Finding out about the broken engagement: PRICELESS.

So the moral of this story is…do what you need to do, be who you are, and know that someday, somehow, poetic justice will happen to the mean people who suck.


 

 

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