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9:03 p.m. - 2005-04-25
Ask, and Ye Shall Receive
Dear god, I have been pathetic about updating. I guess it's just that I'm waiting on the job thing, I'm coasting along on the pseudo-relationship thing, and really, other than that, my life has consisted of a completely stupid temp job that gets more boring by the day.

Luckily, I had the foresight to ask you guys to ask me I could just answer, and not have to come up with my own topic sentences. So, (drumroll please) here are all of your questions, answered!!

From Art:

If there was one thing in your past that you can go back and fix, what would that be??

I think I did a whole entry about life needing an undo button. However, upon further reflection, I think I would prevent myself from ever making the connection that chocolate makes you feel better.

From Witty:

Would you ever be on a reality show if there was a large sum of money to be won?

That's very possible...especially the longer I'm unemployed. I would go on "The Biggest Loser," for sure. However, anything Fear-Factor-like, where you have to do something seriously disgusting and

From Kiosh:

(NOTE: This is actually some meme -and I still think "meme" is a stupid-ass word- that's going around. So, in this particular case, I answer five questions. You can request to be interviewed by me. That's the payoff for being lame and not coming up with an actual entry.)

1. What is your favourite album and what has made it so?

For someone who is like me and can't pick one favorite anything....I so cannot believe you're asking me this question. But, since I like you, I'll answer it with a top three instead of a top 50.

Tori Amos - "Little Earthquakes"
Indigo Girls - "Indigo Girls"
REM - "Eponymous"

2. If you could have one important question about life answered by the Universe, what would you like to know?

Why is it so easy for people to forget who they are and lose sight of finding their purpose?

3. What trend are you most sick of?

SUV's. That, and low-rise jeans.

4. If you could have a superpower, a magical hability or a supernatural power; what would you like to have and why?

The ability to read minds. Definitely. Because I am nosy as hell, but usually too polite to really engage in my nosy habits. If it was a superpower, I would totally have an excuse.

5. What is one memory that never fails to make you smile in any situation?

My brother sticking a suction-cup cat punching bag to his forehead, playing with the cat, and then having a GIANT hickey when he pulled it off.

From Warcrygirl (I linked your new page, even):

(NOTE: This one is not an interview...she just asks lots of questions.)

1. When you were a little girl what did you want to be when you grew up?

President. Or a bestselling novelist.

2. Who are your favorite male and female actors and why?

Female: Susan Sarandon. She can be funny and heartwrenching, and she's always real.
Male: Chris Noth. Because he is FINE as HELL.

3. What one thing about your political party do you NOT like or agree with?

Bureaucracies suck. And they like to create them. Plus, the agencies don't really solve the problems they are intended to solve. They need to spend less money on salaries for stupid people and more actually helping people.

4. What one thing about the opposing political party do you AGREE with?

Encouraging people to take responsibility for themselves. Now, if they could just quit calling that "Christian morality" and quit calling everyone who disagrees with them "whining unpatriotic liberals" and....okay. I'll stop. I was supposed to be acting nice.

5. Coffee, tea, sodapop or pee?


From Vicki:

What exactly is a paralegal and what sort of training is required?

You know what you said about your boss saying you're one? Well, a lot of the time, that's it. There are licenses and degrees available...most firms don't require them, though. I actually have a bachelor's degree in something totally useless, and as long as you have some sort of higher-education piece of paper, they don't care if you are actually licensed. I keep hearing rumors that you're going to have to get one, but it'll never happen. I suppose I could go spend $600 to take the stupid test, but really, why?

"Paralegal" and "Legal Assistant" can be interchangeable terms...some people prefer one or the other. Mostly, this means you do stuff like deal with clients when your boss isn't there, read all the mail and draft responses when you can, sometimes research & draft pleadings, index depositions, prepare discovery responses, be their little gofer bitch at trial, explain to them how to attach a file to an e-mail, explain to them how to turn on the computer, listen to them rant and rave at you about some shit that was their fault, docket deadlines, find all the random pieces of paper that they have scattered all over the fucking office, make sure they show up where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there, and generally act as a backup brain.

From Tha Pimp:

Do you drive a Bitchin Camaro with no insurance to match?

Yes, I do drive a bitchin' Camaro, but I do have insurance that is way too fucking expensive and those ass monkeys keep jacking the rates up even though I HAVE NOT ONCE FILED A CLAIM OR GOTTEN A TICKET OR BEEN IN A WRECK (or at least not in the last five years)....

From Clarity:

If you could invite three famous people (celebrities, actors, writers, politician..etc. Living or dead) to your house for dinner, who would you invite and what would you serve?

Jesus, George W. Bush, and Jesse Jackson...let the games begin. I would serve whatever takeout food they wanted. We all know I don't cook. And as much as it would be fun to give Dubya food poisoning, I would not do that to a guest (on purpose).

That will conclude tonight's Q & A. If you have more questions, ask away.



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