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10:54 a.m. - 2005-06-06
Fun with Sub-Headings
The Return of the Laundry Nazi

So, BFRB and I once more make the mistake of doing laundry on Sunday. Really, it was the only time we could.

Our original Laundry Nazi had vanished into thin air several months ago…I'm sure her parole was up, or maybe she just sinned again and got thrown back in the slammer. Point is, the newer laundry attendants were mostly nice.

Not this bitch.

We pretty much waited while our clothes washed, then went to Target as soon as we threw them in the dryer. Well, we were buying stuff for The Roo, and we were distracted by the 75% off racks, and, well, we were gone a little longer than our allotted 30 minutes.

Beyotch had violated the rules, and removed some of our shit from the dryers. To her credit, she DID put it in baskets and/or trash bags next to the dryers. But still…you just don't touch people's laundry. It wasn't that freakin' crowded. There were plenty of dryers. In fact, the one she took my stuff out of was vacant when I returned. As we were folding our clothes, she continued her dryer-policing activities, and announced when dryers became available.

I hate to break it to her, but (1) there was no other employee present, so no one would notice her super-vigilance and dedication to her job and (2) there are really few opportunities for advancement at the laundromat anyway.

That Stupid Sequel.

I think I've figured out why most of the people who are creaming their jeans over the latest Star Wars installment are guys. George Lucas is all about the penis. For real. I don't think I have witnessed that much phallic imagery in a movie, ever. Lightsabers. Tall buildings with large "heads." Even Darth Vader's helmet looks like a foreskin.

My only other observations about the movie: Natalie Portman won the "stupid cheesy line" prize, for "so this is what it sounds like when democracy dies." And Ewan McGregor is way hotter than Hayden Christiansen.

I'm sure none of these observations spoiled anything for the three people on the planet who have not seen this movie. If you followed "the saga", you pretty much knew what was gonna happen anyway, and you only went to see it to watch Yoda get medieval.

I think my biggest problem with the last three movies has been the lack of "magic." As a kid, Star Wars was a really big deal, and it was easier to suspend your disbelief long enough to really get into the movies. Now, the stilted dialogue, Jar-Jar Binks, and the lack of the element of surprise have made it harder to enjoy them.

Survey Says

Thanks to all of my readers, new and old, who took the survey. There were few surprises…I knew I had more female readers, and I knew most of them were liberal cat people.

However, I did not expect that like FIVE of you said that "Baby Got Back" was your theme song. I'm not sure what that means. But that's awesome.

Never Trust Anyone Who Works at a Tanning Salon.

Other than one memorable incident involving a bed with new bulbs, my pasty-white self has pretty much managed to avoid any significant sunburn from the tanning experience. That is, until yesterday.

Our tanning salon has a few extra-deluxe beds (one of them is the standing-up kind), and when I talked to one of the employees two days ago, she said it was a good idea to use that one periodically to "even out" your color.

Yesterday, BFRB and I decide to brave it. The tanning salon employee (a different one) assures us that 10 minutes is FINE and "those beds don't have as many of the burning rays anyway."

Liar, liar, ass on fire. I think my boobs, armpits, and sides are fuschia bordering on purple, and this whole "wearing clothes, particularly a bra" thing is seriously not making me happy. I have applied liberal amounts of sunburn relief stuff, and taken some nice tylenol. This best go away soon. Luckily, at least it's not the parts that will be exposed at the Roo. At least I hope I don't get that drunk….

T-Minus 48 Hours to the ROOOOOOO

This may be my last update prior to rolling out for the wilds of Tennessee. I did purchase a laptop this weekend (friend was selling one, and I've wanted one for a while anyway), so I'm going to attempt to do live updates. This will depend on (a) whether they're lying about the availability of wireless internet, (b) whether I can become proficient in the use of that little touchpad thingy, because really, those have always made me feel retarded, and (c) how completely blitzed I am at any given moment.

Further, the forecast calls for a 30-40% chance of thunderstorms every day. This surprises me not at all. The Universe KNOWS I hate outdoorsy crap. It KNOWS. However, I will have fun anywyay. I am maintaining a positive attitude. 30-40% isn't 100%. And we have about 8 things of wet ones and some stylin' rain ponchos. We will just have to selectively wear our tie-dye. The package SAID the dye is fixed. It SAID. But I just remember doing this in college, and getting one wet, and looking like I had bruises. However, that one hadn't been washed, and we didn't follow directions about dye fixers and stuff. *fingers crossed for hippie stylin'*

Regardless of WHEN the Roo-va-licious updates are posted, there will be many fun photos.

 

 

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