1:01 PM - December 02, 2005
Here's a story about an interesting Sunday morning about 20 years ago.
I woke up early and was looking for some fun. Whoooo! How much fun can one have at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning when you are alone in the house?
Someone had given me an ornamental pepper plant, and I wanted to find out if those cute little peppers smelled like chiles. I wanted to know if it smelled like enchilada sauce.
I took off a dried one, cracked it open, and inhaled.
I inhaled too deeply, and a little pepper seed shot into my nose.
The damage was done!
Yes, the pepper was HOT!
Yes, my sinuses were on FIRE!
I honked (not horked) into a Kleenex and dislodged the seed, but it was too late! The poor little mucus things inside my nose were ablaze!
I tried everything to lessen the pain. I got some ice cubes and smashed them into small pieces - ramming them up my nose. I iced my eyes. I cried. I even tried to pour warm Sprite up my nose. I thought maybe the bubble action would help.
In desperation, I finally called the emergency room.
"Ummmm......hello. I need some help."
"Well, you see, I have this FRIEND who inhaled a pepper seed and now she is burning up inside her face."
SILENCE - DEADLY SILENCE
"A pepper seed?"
"Yes, from a dried chili pepper!"
"Okay......so how old is your FRIEND?"
"Is your FRIEND in pain?"
"It's horrible! You've got to help me!"
"Is the seed still up inside your FRIEND'S nose?"
"No! The seed came out, but it's so painful! Do we need an ambulance?"
"No, just put some mineral oil up your FRIEND'S nose, and I think your FRIEND will be fine in a few minutes."
I thanked them and hung up the phone. It was 7:30 on a Sunday morning - not a good time to shop for mineral oil. Actually, wasn't a good time to shop for anything.
I finally got the mineral oil when the local drug store opened around 8:00.
Mineral oil has the consistency of honey. Just image trying to put that shit up your nose - by yourself - with your face on fire.
I got in the bathtub and tipped my head back - and slowly poured the oil up my nose. It took the pain away!
As soon as I put my head forward, all the oil ran down my throat!
And I horked.
Horked mineral oil.
But my nose felt MUCH better.
And I never inhaled pepper seeds EVER again.
End of story. Until I do something else. Probably tomorrow.