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11:04 p.m. - 2004-08-22
The Laundry Nazi
The Laundry Nazi

Once again, it was laundry day for me and BFRB. Since we've been doing laundry on Sunday morning instead of Friday night lately, we've encountered a new laundromat attendant. Sprouting a lovely mullet and moustache to go with her clothes which were purchased at Wal-Mart circa 1985, this attendant is way too devoted to her job.

BFRB and I frequently run errands while our clothing is washing and drying....stuff like Walgreen's, Target, PetsMart, etc. We make every effort to get back to the laundromat to restart our dryers within the alloted 30 minutes, but sometimes, we get sidetracked. Two weeks ago, in our first encounter with the Laundry Nazi, we spent a little too long fucking around at Target. We returned to the laundromat to find that the Laundry Nazi had removed BFRB's stuff from the dryer because "people needed it."

Now, one of the cardinal rules of laundry etiquette is that you NEVER EVER touch anyone's stuff. I don't want cooties all over my clean clothes, and neither does anyone else. Second of all, if the dryer space is needed, it would be polite to FOLD the items you removed. Laundry Nazi violated these rules. BFRB's blankets and sheets were in a giant wad, and were halfway hanging off the folding table.

While BFRB was furious, we figured we'd never see this bitch again. The laundromat is not exactly the most long-term employer on the planet. Actually, we've determined that most of the attendants have recently been released from penal institutions, and having a completely useless job is on the list of things they have to do.

However, today, the bitch was back. This particular morning, she did little but give us go-to-hell looks (because she evidently REMEMBERED that we were the dryer hogs from hell). Other customers were not so fortunate. As an individual attempted to place their laundry in a washer, the Laundry Nazi informed said patron that SHE was USING that one (nothing was in it...and what the fuck is she using it for?? Any drop off laundry goes to the dry-cleaner part of the store, which was closed.)The patron had little choice but to put their items in the next washer over.

On this fine Sunday morning, BFRB and I kept a careful watch on the clock, plus, we were both too tired and hung over to think about what errands we needed to run. As we were folding our laundry, though, Laundry Nazi dogged our footsteps, looking disapprovingly at discarded dryer sheets and making a big show of getting in our way to pick them up. She also glared at all the other patrons in turn, just waiting for someone to commit a transgression like leaving their dryer unattended for more than 15 seconds after it shut off. Point is, Laundry Nazi knows what's up in her little fiefdom.

Well, for some reason, a few of my shirts were still damp when the rest of the load was dry, so I chucked them back in there while I folded the rest of my clothes. Being that my hungover little brain (NEVER AGAIN will I drink that much Jack Daniels without eating something more substantive than chips, salsa, and a chocolate chip cookie) wasn't working too well, I left the shirts in the dryer when we left. Luckily, I realized my mistake in short order, and went back about 30 minutes later to get them. Thinking that Laundry Nazi would have been fully aware of the problem, and seeing as how the dryer I was using was now occupied with someone else's shit, I asked her if she knew where my stuff was.

Bitch looked me straight in the eyes and LIED. She said it had been busy and she had no way of knowing. Sure, people need dryers, and you don't know what happened to the stuff abandoned in one. Right.

I finally found my shirts, wadded up on a chair but basically intact. As I left, she gave me this completely fake smirk. Well, Laundry Nazi, the gauntlet has been thrown. We'll be back. And we'll think of something to make your already miserable existence even more miserable.



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