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2:21 p.m. - 2005-01-12
The Loneliest Number?
Yesterday, clarity25 was talking about how she'd never lived alone, and wondered what her life would be like if she hadn't married right out of college.

I was going to leave her a note about what she wondered, but then I realized it would take up the whole notes page...so I decided to write an entry. I'll take inspiration wherever I can find it...

So here's the perspective from someone who took her "road less traveled."

Being single, like everything else, has its good and bad points. Let's get the negative out of the way first…

~You always have to worry about finding a date for stuff. And if you just take one of your female friends, then everyone suspects you're a lesbian.

~You get screwed on living expenses. A two-bedroom apartment costs about $50 more a month than a one-bedroom. Two people, theoretically, could share a one-bedroom, but I am way too territorial for that shit. You split expenses, utilities, food….and most of the time, have the benefit of two incomes.

~People always ask how your love life is, if you're seeing someone, or if you plan to get married.

~Married people have nicer stuff, because they got wedding presents. You, on the other hand, still have the garage-sale dishes and hand-me-down towels, because you somehow find shoes, clothing, shelter, and food to be more important.

~You get left out of parties because you're not part of a "couple."

~You spend the night alone.

However, I'm not miserable being single. Know why?

~I can be as messy as I want.

~I don't have to share the bed with someone who farts, snores, and hogs the covers. Unless you count my kitties.

~No worrying about what will happen if the other person loses their job.

~Freedom to come and go as I please, without having to answer to anyone.

~Knowing that I will not have to justify my shoe purchases.

~Not dealing with some guy's emotional fuckery. No, all men are not assholes…just the ones I tend to be dating.

~No bathtub funk. For real. Every guy I have ever known has some nasty black gummy shit in the bottom of their tub. I have NEVER seen a girl with this…nor have I ever experienced it unless there was a boy spending way too much time at my house. And believe me, I'm not very domestic, and don't spend much time scrubbing shit. I have helped many boyfriends and guy buddies move, and the "cleaning the shower" part is always the worst.

~I can wear nasty old baggy sleeping/lounging attire, and no one will comment.

~In the words of a friend from college: "I can eat Fruit Loops naked in my kitchen and no one will care."

~I have control of the TV remote, the movie selection, and the music choices.

~I can pick whatever I want for dinner and not have to worry about someone else's opinion.

Of course, I LIKE being alone. I always have. People bug me when I have to share space with them. And at this point, I've lived alone for a long time, and it would take someone pretty amazing to make me give up my freedom and independence. Sure, I hope I find that person…but I'm really okay if I don't. I have a circle of very good friends, plenty of things to do, and also some time for me. If that makes me selfish, oh well.

Granted, the single life is not always like "Sex and the City," although there are many truthful elements in that show. However, single life is not a glamorous series of parties and club openings and long lunches…and there's no way you can be affording any $400 shoes once a week.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, despite the scary parts (being totally alone, wondering if anyone would notice if you died, hoping like hell nothing bounces before payday, surviving day to day), there's nothing like the feeling of knowing you are free to be yourself. To me, that will be the test of whether I'm going to give up my freedom…if the person I am with can let me be exactly who I am.

 

 

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