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4:28 p.m. - 2005-12-22
Merry Fucking Holidays.
Yes, it’s me, the one and only GoingLoopy. And seriously, these last two weeks have sucked harder than a crack whore who needs a fix. Let’s review:

  • Dumped. Via e-mail. Pussy little chickenshit assnugget.

  • Work. Could be worse, but only if I had to avoid real flying daggers instead of metaphorical ones.

  • Exercise habits: nonexistent, other than one aborted attempt at a spin bike class that left me with bruises in my ass crack.

  • Eating habits: have taken up where exercise left off. Pick something that’s bad for you, and I’ve probably shoved it in my face in the last two weeks.

  • Dental professionals: told me I needed a full-mouth scaling, which involved laughing gas, needles in my gums, horrible scraping noises, bleeding, and that drooling-without-knowing feeling that happens when your mouth is numb. I seriously needed a cigarette after that whole experience, but it was well nigh impossible, since I could not tell whether my mouth was open or closed unless I looked in a mirror. (However, this did provide the one bright spot in the last two weeks, as I am a whiny little bitch, and requested painkillers…which he gave me.)

  • Checking account: seriously overdrawn.

  • Christmas bonus: probably not.

  • Mother and grandmother: in less than 36 hours.

So, to summarize, right now, I fucking hate everyone and everything, and I just want to go curl up in my bed with my little meows and pretend none of this is happening. Instead, I have to suffer through a Christmas luncheon, pack a fucking suitcase, and descend to the depths of hell Houston, where I hopefully will be able to remain drunk and/or high until Monday evening.

Speaking of presents and kitties…my dad sent me a guitar, which I’m trying to learn how to play. This weekend, I started with lesson one: tuning the motherfucker. My cat, Sissy, has never been convinced of my awesome musical abilities. When I sing, she makes this awful noise and then tries to bite whatever appendage is handy. The other kitties LIKE it when I sing to them…or at least they pretend they do.

Well, that little shit doesn’t like my guitar playing, either.

As I was strumming to attempt to tune it, she immediately busted out the horrible-noise-biting-your-arm trick.

I have so far learned to play an E chord and pick out the melody to “The Water is Wide” without fucking up more than once.

I rule.

 

 

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